Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
