Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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