You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
