thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I am one with the molecules
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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