So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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