i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i dont even know how to be here
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
