i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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