It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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