I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I love you. Go after that dick
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
