it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
