If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
