i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dignity is for republicans.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize