I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
