Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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