Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
