He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
