It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
