the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
