know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
