Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
