I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
