I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
