That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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