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my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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