I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
