You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
