I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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