Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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