Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
