I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
