either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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