Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
