I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
