I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
