walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
