I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
