I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
