Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize