I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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