why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to sanitize my soul.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
