Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
