i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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