Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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