I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
A+ Viking dick
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
