you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize