You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I think i got beer on your cat.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
