how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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