Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
