at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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