we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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