Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
