You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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