I'm sorry my penis didn't work
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
