my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
