Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize