Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize