Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
