Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
