doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
