I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
