I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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