my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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