that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
