my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
