You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found puke in my bra..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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