absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
